complicated love story

By: Chetan R Date: 2009-07-10 Place:Bangalore

Swathi and Sneha were men who became women in the hope of finding male lovers. They've now found each other and want to marry Two Bangalore men, convinced they were women, spent a fortune on sex change surgery. But neither found a husband. They now want to marry, and be Bangalore's first same-sex couple to be legally united. The recent court verdict legalised homosexuality, but it still doesn't allow same-sex marriage. Swathi (23) and Snehaprabha (25) didn't know each other when they were men. "I had always wanted to fall in love with a man," said Swathi, a man till three years ago. "But would that happen in our society?" After becoming a transsexual (one who has undergone a sex change), she fell in love with Sneha. Sneha, a man five years ago, had been similarly searching for a partner. "As we both sailed in the same boat, we started falling in love," said Swathi. That now makes them a lesbian (transsexual) couple. College change Swathi, who once dreamt of becoming a doctor, was a male till class 12. At 18, he decided to become a woman and spent over Rs 2 lakh on sex reassignment surgery. Similarly, Sneha underwent the operation five years ago. 'We live a painful life' You may now kiss the bride: Swathi and Sneha "We had to face a lot of humiliation when we changed our sex – even our families rejected us," recalled Swathi. "But we kept it secret till recently." Love happened three years ago while they worked as community mobilisers with an NGO called Samara. Hard life Each of them earns Rs 4,000 a month from Samara. They also earn a bit from prostitution. Besides economic stability, they are also struggling on the personal front since they can't marry legally. "We live a painful life," said Swathi. "We don't earn enough as we aren't treated like other women." Swathi and Sneha don't get good job offers. "That's why we have no choice but to be in the sex trade. If we were treated like normal women, we wouldn't be in that profession," Swathi explained. Activists fighting for the sexual minorities are coming forward to help the couple. "They deserve equal rights," said Akkaipad-mashali, an activist. "Though the Delhi High Court decision is welcome, we have a long way to go." He said he would take up their case as "there are hundreds of Swathis and Snehas fighting for their rights to marry and adopt children." The agony of bending gender Transsexuals go through tremendous psychological pressure both before and after their sex change, say doctors. "They are under pressure as they feel trapped in a body they don't want," said Dr Padmini Prasad, a leading Bangalore sexologist. "Hence, there are procedures to be followed before they undergo surgery. Psychiatric assessment is one of them." They are also tested for the new gender role. "In a few cases like this, they are in conflict both before and after the change," said Padmini.

Transsexual — Qualified for Beauty Contest or Not?

Transsexual — Qualified for Beauty Contest or Not? By Kim Rahn
Staff Reporter

Is sex by birth a qualification for a beauty pageant?

It appears not, as a male-turned-female transsexual has passed the preliminary stage of the 2009 Super Model Contest.

Choi Han-bit, 23, was among 50 participants selected from a list of 1,200 candidates at the preliminary stage of the contest on July 2. She still has to pass another preliminary on July 28 to be included in the final selection, but if she does, Choi will be Korea's first transsexual super model.

A dance major at the Korea National University of Arts, Choi underwent a sex change operation in 2006, and was legally recognized as a woman by a court. She also changed her name from Han-jin to Han-bit.

After grabbing the public's attention, she said on her blog, "This is only the beginning. I have not lived in a vain hope. I just believed that I can be happy and I can do it."

But cyber world is divided on Choi's selection in the preliminary.

Some Internet users, including several unsuccessful contestants at the preliminary, say that a person who has artificially changed sex should not be allowed in the beauty contest.

They claimed it is not right for a transsexual, who has obtained a female body artificially, to take part in the contest that evaluates appearance.

But many others supported Choi, saying she is just the same as other "real female" contestants who underwent plastic surgery. They left messages on her blog, saying, "You made a courageous choice," and "I saw a picture of you before having the sex change operation, and you were beautiful then as well."

SBS MediaNet, the host of the pageant, said the sex change does not conflict with the contest's rules because her legal sex is female.

It also said that Choi disclosed to other contestants that she is a transsexual.

In 2005, before undergoing the sex change operation, she appeared in a television show as a man who was disguised as a woman.

Transgenders scripting success in Tamil Nadu

aturday, June 28, 2008 (Chennai) NDTV news. Kalki is a highflying transgender IT professional. But her road to success wasn't easy. Her parents she says didn't accept her sexual orientation and forced her to take male hormone tablets. Away from home she was often a victim of sexual abuse. These factors only inspired her to dream big. Now the techie also runs a foundation for the betterment of transgenders. ''When you are successful people look up to you. When you are not its a totally different story,'' says Kalki. Rose is the country's first transgender television anchor and has won the hearts of millions. She was once thrown out of home. But that did not stop her from acquiring an international professional degree. Her new celebrity status she says is changing mindsets. ''That would never happen earlier in the past. People would not just talk to transgenders. But now they not only talk to me, they invite me home,'' says Rose. In another part of Chennai Priya Babu has emerged to be a successful author. She wants to develop a resource centre for the third gender. ''Education is my biggest strength and also the tamilnadu government has given us so many opportunities,'' says Priya Babu. Transgenders have begun to script success stories in Tamil Nadu. A majority of them are still pushed into prostitution but the more vocal ones in the community are spearheading a campaign to get a transgender nominated to the parliament, state assemblies and local bodies. **********About Kalki********** A post graduate in Journalism and Mass Communication, Kalki came out to her parents as a Transgendered child when she was 14. Having gone through the usual nightmares all transgendred children go through, she had the toughest times in schools and colleges where she studied. Still, she managed to finish her B.A in English followed by an M.A. in Journalism and Mass Communication. Currently she is pursuing her second M.A. in International Relations. In schools, colleges and universities in India, Transgender students have a tough academic life. Many of them drop out being unable to cope with the insults, harassement and ignorance from fellow students and sometimes even the teachers. Kalki hopes to change this by presenting and conducting seminars, lectures, workshops, presentations and talks on Gender variant people in schools, colleges and Universities. She works and lives in 2 two places. Coimbatore in Tamilnadu, and Auroville, the international township near Puducherry. In the year 2001, she brought out the first tamil magazine for the trasngendred community called 'Sahodari' and encouraged fellow sisters to write and express their thoughts. Several issues later, the magazine had to be temporarily stopped due to lack of financial support. In the year 2006, she found Sahodari Foundation through which she hopes to bring the magazine once again. Only knowledge and education can cure the blindness called ignorance. Kalki works within her community through her writings and she works with the public especially the youth, by creating awareness on Transgender issues. She hopes to break the myths and wipe the misinformation that exist in the society about transgenders. On the professinal side, she is an IT person working as an Independent Media Specialist. She develops web based projects. She is interested in the Film and Television Media. In future, she hopes to travel around the world and work for gender rights for woman and transwoman. Her cherished goal is to work as a cultural ambassador on behalf of India. She wants to work with the UNESCO in the UNO. Write to her at: aurokalki@gmail.com Her FOUNDATION: *******WELCOME TO SAHODARI**** Sahodari Foundation is a one woman mission of Kalki. Through her foundation, she hopes to bring light to the world about the second type men and women of India. The Foundation is involved in creating awareness to the public, especially the youth, in accepting and living with gender variant people. It offers the right information, help and guidance for a better life to the Transgendered community of India through its magazine, website, seminars and workshops. 'Sahodari' means Sister. In early 2001, Kalki found the first magazine in Tamil for Transgendered Community and its name was 'Sahodari'. After 2 years, the magazine had to be stopped due to lack of financial support. The other big option to reach the youth was through the internet. Thus www.sahodari.org was born. The website offers spiritual and psychological support for the transcommunity. It is not a place for beautification of the body. It is a place to beautify your mind. I believe, we can create a world where we can live like angels, with dignity and peace, where we are respected and loved... http://www.sahodari.org/

Man changes sex to marryIn Kolkata) faces social boycott

Man changes sex to marry, faces social boycott
By Krittivas Mukherjee, Indo-Asian News Service

Kolkata, July 10 (IANS) A man who changed his sex to marry another
man is facing social boycott and threats in a small West Bengal town
where people are calling his sexuality "sinister".

Somnath Banerjee took a woman's name, Manabi, after he underwent an
operation to change his sexual organs, but a section of the
townspeople says he is corrupting young minds.

Banerjee, the head of the Bengali department of a college in
Jhargram, a small conservative town about 150 km west of here,
stunned his family and friends when he told them he was a
transsexual and wanted to change to a woman.

Despite heavy odds, Banerjee, who prefers to be addressed in the
feminine gender, underwent the sex change operation and became a
woman.

He then married his male partner Abhijit Pahari, the Bengali daily
Pratidin reported. The newspaper didn't mention when Banerjee
underwent the operation or married Pahari.

Their marriage reportedly has doubtful validity in India that
doesn't recognise homosexuality or gay unions.

Trouble started when people saw Banerjee - now a woman - living with
a man. To the angry townspeople, he was of "funny sexuality".

"The first of the problems began with my landlord who started to
conspire to evict me," Banerjee, who dresses in woman's clothes,
wears lipstick and sports the 'bindi', or dot, on his forehead, was
quoted as saying.

He was jeered on the streets, his house attacked by hoodlums and he
was even locked out of his home by his landlord. The landlord even
disconnected his waterlines, he claims.

"I went to police and the civic authorities but received no help,"
said Banerjee, whose picture - with both hands clasped together,
praying for justice - was published in the newspaper.

He said even local politicians ganged up against him. In the face of
such opposition, his worst blow came when his partner, Pahari, was
taken away by his family.

A section of local people said Banerjee was carrying on "sinister
and anti-social activities" and, finally, some branded him a witch.

"I fear for my life and have approached the authorities with my
apprehensions," he said.

After repeatedly knocking at the doors of police, Banerjee turned to
the state women's commission for help.

The commission approached the district authorities, who earlier this
week finally warned Banerjee's landlord against disturbing him.

But Banerjee remains apprehensive.

"I changed my sex and was living my life happily with Abhijit
(Pahari). But his relatives took him away. Now people want to cast
me out and even kill me. Will sexual minorities continue to be
hounded?" Banerjee asked.

Though homosexuality still remains in the closet in India, many gay
and lesbian groups are beginning to speak up for their rights.

Gay groups are active in more culturally open societies in Mumbai
and Bangalore, but traditionalist cities such as Kolkata are also
seeing homosexuals stand up for their rights.

In a sign of the changing times, every year dozens of gay and
lesbian people walk through this city in support of rights for
sexual minorities. 

In search of dignity

In search of dignity

The portrayal of transgenders on the Tamil screen has been insensitive, but this is set to change, says Lakshmy Venkiteswaran.

Megaserials such as Kolangal and Arase on Sun TV have characters that depict transgenders in powerful roles

The society in which we live treats us with nothing but contempt and ridicule," says Rose, a transgender in Chennai who is famous for her talk-show, Ippadikku Rose on Vijay TV. See IBN-CNN video report on Rose below.

This is evident from the insensitive portrayal of transgenders in Tamil films, which more often than not associate aravanis with sexual innuendos and double entendres. Films such as Jayam (2003), Thullatha Manamum Thullum (1999), Eeraman Rojave (1983) and Thiruda Thirudi (2003) have used aravanis for comic relief - making fun of their mannerisms and dress.

This is a far cry from Hilary Swank's Oscar winning performance as the protagonist in Boys Don't Cry, which is based on the life of Brandon Teena, a young transman who was raped and murdered in 1993 by his male friends after they found out about his sexuality.

"Indian comedians lack the creativity needed to come up with fresh comedy. As human beings, we lack empathy and that reflects in the comedy tracks featuring transgenders," says Rose.

However, this is set to change. Her talk show has not only received rave reviews but also changed the stereotypical image of a transgender.

"The public is, for the first time, seeing a transgender being articulate, sociable, intelligent and beautiful. My show has paved the way for transgenders to be treated with the respect and dignity they deserve."

Rose, who plans to make a film that portrays transgenders in a different light, says that lack of acceptance by the society is not limited to India. "People should realise that we are the way we are not to make anyone laugh," she says.

Megaserials such as Kolangal and Arase on Sun TV have characters that depict transgenders in powerful roles. In Arase, Bubloo plays the transgender Ganga who is pursued by police.

In one episode, she is arrested and thrown into cell full of males where she is harassed.

7 "I love her dialogue in this episode. It's a reflection of the problems that we face everyday.

Access to public toilets, for instance, is a serious problem. The government needs to formulate special plans to help us cope with society," says June, a transgender in Chennai.

In the Tamil film Appu (2000), the villain is a transgender, Maharani, a power-hungry pimp who eliminates anyone she perceives as a threat.

"Ganga and Maharani are negative characters but you cannot generalise this," adds June.

"There are good and bad people everywhere and transgenders are no different from the rest!" Navarasa, directed by Santosh Sivan, is one of the few films that show the life of aravanis.

Told through the eyes of young Swetha, who is shocked been discovering that her beloved uncle is a woman in a man's body, the film captures the annual Koothandavar festival in Koovagam. Commercially, Navarasa was a nonstarter but the film won much critical acclaim and also the National Award (2005) for the Best Regional Movie.

"If Navarasa had commercial elements such as a dream sequence with the lead pair gyrating to peppy beats, it may have garnered different response. Very few, even among the literate, appreciate meaningful cinema such as Navarasa. The times are changing and awareness has increased about the transgender community, but more needs to be done in terms of policies and laws," says Ameer, the director of the film Paruthiveeran.

Debutant director Kadhir, of the soon-to-be released Tamil film Thenavattu, says his movie will set the benchmark for portrayal of aravanis in Tamil cinema. "We even feed a stray dog but we wouldn't want to help these people. They resort to begging and prostitution because of lack of employment. My film throws a differ ent light on this community. We need to learn to empathise and also change our attitude towards aravanis," he says.

Legislative concerns Homosexual relations are still a crime in India under Section 377 of the Indian Penal Code, which dates back to 1860 The vague nature of the legislation has resulted in it being used against a wide range sexual behaviour such as oral sex (heterosexual and homosexual), sodomy, and bestiality The punishment ranges from 10 years to life imprisonment No major Indian political party has raised endorsed gay rights in their party mani festo or platform. However, a politburo member of the Communist Party of India (Marxist), Brinda Karat, did in 2003 write an open letter to the then minister for law and justice, Arun Jaitley, demanding a repeal of Section 377.

I was imprisoned in a male body, until a surgeon's knife cut me free

I was imprisoned in a male body, until a surgeon's knife cut me free

By Gazal Dhaliwal
Photo: Sanjay Ahlawat

Soon after I turned 13, my mirror stopped being my friend. The school uniform added a compulsory turban to my head, and nature added hair to my face. Clothes were nice if they were my mother's and long hair was fine when it was in plaits, instead of being wound inside a turban. Games were fun as long as they were 'Teacher' and 'Housekeeping' and not cricket; preferred companions were girls and not boys. But then I was Gunraj from Chandigarh, today I am Gazal, 25.

And if you just looked at my picture again to check how masculine (or feminine) I look now, I will not blame you. It is the most natural reaction from a society, which unconsciously enforces a rigid distinction between genders. Any blur on this line is generally laughed at. Yet, I must tell you the story of my gender change, my liberation. Because there are thousands of people who feel trapped in their bodies. They hide instincts for fear of rejection, uncertain whether it is right to feel and want what everyone around them finds wrong. I want people to know how I survived 25 years in a role I did not choose for myself. A role which I played day after day without any hope of the curtain falling.

When I was often told that I was girlish, I was totally confused. The condescending voices opened taps of guilt deep inside, but somewhere even deeper, rivers of happiness sprang from that acknowledgment of my true self. But the happiness made me feel guiltier because no one told me that it was all right to be happy.

One of my happier childhood memories is of a school drama, in which I played a female character. During rehearsals, I was the most excited actor. Dressed in a pretty skirt for the performance, I told my father that I would be adjudged the Best Supporting Actress, if my performance was good. Best Supporting Actor, he corrected. I argued and tried to pick holes in his argument. But reason and logic were on his side; I only had a mess in my head. A transsexual child is forever trapped in this quest for identity, and in finding ways to evade the mocking laughter and derogatory names hurled by taunting peers. There is a sinking feeling all along that I do not fit in, that I never will fit in.

Puberty is a tough time for everybody, a time when one tries to understand one's sexuality. In that age of unanswered questions, I distinctly remember getting goosebumps watching a provocative music video by a male pop singer. And in the numerous sleepless nights that followed, it dawned on me, for the first time with a sense of absoluteness, that I was different, and would always be. For years to come, I was to think how unfair it was of God to make me gay.

But thankfully God did not leave me without anything. Today, I do not value academics much, but through my growing up years, I was considered a "bright child", "good orator" and a "very disciplined student". But for me my worth was in my singing, writing and histrionics. Recently, when I met my ex-schoolmates and teachers, they had high opinions about my student days. Said one, "Gunraj, I used to think it so unfair that you had every enviable quality in you." While another said, "I wouldn't have imagined you as anything, but a truly happy child."

I give my family the entire credit for still having been able to retain a sane mind. My stress found an equal opposition in the love I constantly got from my parents, my extended family and later, my friends. Initially, my parents could not comprehend how a boy could feel like a girl, yet they never gave up trying to understand, and never gave up on me. They would ask me to try and change the way I thought. I would wail: "It is not about the way I think, it is about the way I am. I do not choose to be like this, Papa. I was born this way. Why don't you go and try living as a member of the opposite gender?"

They did not punish me even when they found out that I would impersonate a girl and chat to strangers over the phone. When I ran away from home before my board exams, they brought me back and loved me even more. My brother, sister and relatives stood by me and held me tight when I teetered at the edge of a precipice.

The board exams went well, so did the entrance exams and I was admitted to a well-known engineering college. Thus I went to spend four years of my life in a boys' hostel. I was prepared to be an oddity there, ready for the remarks-"Always goes to the bathroom to change!" "Speaks so effeminately!" "Walk is so girly!" What I was not prepared, however, was for the severe ragging. Despite those unmentionable horrors of the first year, those four years are the most beautiful time of my life. In the cacophony of mocking voices and laughter, there were a few precious faces, which became my dear friends. I think it was in those years that I started realising that it was all right to be happy with myself. College life gave me freedom and the chance to explore my extra-curricular interests. Besides singing, debating and directing college plays, I would sneak out and watch late-night movies and go on trips with friends.

After completing college, I found myself sitting in the massive office of a software giant, gazing at the computer screen. A studio apartment, the company bus, my desk and the office dormitory summed up my entire world. I was rated among the top 10 per cent of the company's 20,000-strong work force. I never objected to an 18-hour workday because it kept me from the jeering whispers in the corporate hallways.

It was hard to trust anyone now. The fear of rejection kept me from accepting anybody new in my life. I desperately wanted to run away again, but I realised that the only thing to run away from was my own self. There were times, however, when the pangs of loneliness were so acute that I would look for a companion in gay websites. I would also meet men occasionally, but they were looking for a 'man' in me-my whole life had been about not being one. Gradually, I understood that gender dysphoria is not the same as being gay. While the causes of stress in both conditions might be similar to an extent, the conditions themselves are quite different.

A homosexual man, for instance, might have no problem in wearing a formal shirt and tie to office every day, while that particular dress code of my company was one of the three main reasons I decided to quit! My extremely peaceful and dull place of posting was the second. The third reason was an attempt to 'fit in' somewhere.

So I moved to Mumbai-my city of dreams. I was doing a one-year diploma in filmmaking. I was I happy that I had made the right career choice, and filmmaking was a sedative to the pain I could never completely learn to live with.

A year passed in a flash, and it was time to choose subjects for our final documentary films, which had to be made in groups of six. When I proposed 'Transsexuality' as a theme, only two friends who knew my condition raised their hands in support. That was perhaps the most important moment of my life. Soon enough, three more friends joined in, and the group was complete. The title suggested was 'To Be or Not To Be'. It sounded perfect, but something inside me said that it would change. The new name occurred to me the next morning-To be… ME.

I had never had any plans of coming out of the closet for the film; but that was the case with all the transgenders we met. Soon I realised that I was expecting others to face the demons, which I could not face. Now it was time to accept, love and celebrate being myself. Almost magically, the day I decided to face the camera, we started discovering others who were willing, and even excited, to share their stories! In my heart, I knew it was God's way to tell me that He supported my decision. To Be… ME turned out to be the best film of the year.

I had been reading about Sex Reassignment Surgery (SRS) for many years, but my research for making the film had reassured me that it was not only all right to be happy, but it was my right to be happy. "So, when are you going for it?" was the first question my father asked after seeing the film. And ever since that question, there has been no looking back.

A year-and-a-half ago, I started my gender reassignment procedure, which will probably go on for another year. Frankly, this period of transformation is not one of the most convenient-socially, physically or emotionally. I was fortunate to be hired as an assistant by a veteran filmmaker and the staff at my office is truly godsend. They do their best to understand the issue and go out of their way to ensure my comfort in this period of transition. In the last 20 months my inner-self is slowly, but surely, taking its form in the mirror. I am thrilled to get compliments that I have always pined for, and it is musical to hear the taxi driver ask, "Madam, kahaan jaana hai?"

On October 19, 2007, my male genitals were replaced by female genitalia through vaginoplasty. Dr Chettawut performed the surgery in Bangkok. Currently, I down four tablets a day, a part hormone therapy, which has to be continued throughout my life. I am also undergoing electrolysis for removal of facial hair. This will continue for one more year. Finding myself cost me around Rs 5.5 lakh, including Dr Chettawut's fee of $7,000.

Thailand is renowned for male-to-female SRS. In my three-week stay, I saw patients of different nationalities, races and ages. Dr Chettawut performs around 20 vaginoplasties every month. It melted my heart to see a middle-aged woman accompanying her 'husband' for 'his' surgery. The 'husband' was a transsexual woman. I had read on the internet about such cases, where a spouse turns into a companion for a transsexual person, but to actually see it was like witnessing the purest form of love.

The surgeon's certificate identifies me as an "infertile female". Both are strong words. For most, the first might be stronger; for me, it is the second one. Being a mother, after all, is not just about the ability to give birth. Being transsexual, also, is not just about looking masculine or feminine. And the condition itself is not psychological. The bottom line is that gender dysphoria needs a medical correction. And an SRS is only as unnatural as any other surgery.

The sooner a transsexual person can start their gender reassignment procedure, the easier is the transition, and the better, the visible results. But at the same time, one must be mature enough to understand one's priorities. If 'infertile' is the stronger word for you, or if you're doing this for anybody except yourself, think again!

I still have a lot of catching up to do. I badly need to get some humour and spontaneity into my life. Then there is an urgent need to catch up on clothes, shoes, earrings and makeup. But there is this one thing I caught up with, recently and not many people do that-Life!